10 Ways to Support a Loved One Experiencing Domestic Violence

I remember the first time a client sat across from me and quietly confessed,

“I’m not even sure if what I’m going through counts as abuse.”

Her voice trembled, not just from fear—but from years of being taught that suffering in silence was somehow her duty. Like many survivors of domestic violence, her story was entangled in cultural expectations, spiritual manipulation, and profound emotional isolation.

That moment has stayed with me. Over the years, I’ve worked with countless individuals in similar situations—clients navigating not only the fear of physical harm, but the deep shame, confusion, and internalized guilt that often come with abuse, especially when religion or family obligations are involved.

As someone who has walked alongside survivors both in therapy and in law enforcement, I’ve come to understand that supporting someone experiencing domestic violence requires far more than good intentions. It requires empathy, patience, and the willingness to meet them where they are—not where we wish they were.

If someone you care about is in this situation, here are ten ways to offer meaningful support, rooted in compassion and awareness:

1. Be a Safe, Judgment-Free Presence

Start by listening—truly listening. Let them tell their story in their own time and in their own words. Avoid pressing for details or offering advice too quickly. Often, what survivors need most is someone who believes them without question.

2. Understand That Leaving Isn’t Always Simple

From the outside, it might seem obvious: “Why don’t they just leave?” But abuse creates psychological dependency, fear, and often financial or cultural barriers. Survivors are not weak—they are navigating a web of coercion and survival.

3. Educate Yourself About Abuse and Trauma

Learn about the cycle of abuse, trauma bonding, and the ways control can show up. The more informed you are, the better positioned you’ll be to respond with understanding rather than frustration or confusion.

4. Don’t Criticize the Abuser Right Away

This might sound counterintuitive, but attacking the abuser—especially early on—can cause your loved one to shut down or feel more isolated. Focus on their experience, not your outrage.

5. Offer Specific Help, Not Just “Let Me Know If You Need Anything”

Survivors are often overwhelmed and don’t know what to ask for. Offering to drive them to an appointment, help with childcare, or store important documents can be a lifeline.

6. Help Them Plan for Safety

A safety plan doesn’t have to mean leaving right away. It can include small steps like identifying emergency contacts, stashing essentials in a safe place, or setting up code words. These are acts of empowerment.

7. Respect Their Timeline

Leaving is often a slow, painful process. Survivors may return to their abuser multiple times. Your job is not to control their choices but to remain a consistent source of support, even if it’s hard to watch.

8. Normalize Seeking Professional Support

Therapists, caseworkers, and advocates can help survivors access the resources and validation they need to rebuild. Encourage professional help without implying they arre “broken.”

9. Affirm Their Cultural or Spiritual Beliefs—Without Reinforcing Harmful Interpretations

If religion or tradition has been weaponized against them, they may feel torn between faith and self-preservation. Help them connect to interpretations and communities that support their dignity and healing.

10. Don’t Neglect Your Own Emotional Health

Supporting someone in crisis can take a toll. Set boundaries. Seek support. Remember: being a steady, supportive presence doesn’t mean sacrificing your own wellbeing.

Final Thoughts

You don’t need to have all the answers to make a difference. Sometimes, just being there— consistently, without judgment—can be the turning point someone needs to begin believing that safety and healing are possible.

If you’re reading this because someone you care about is experiencing abuse, thank you. Thank you for showing up, for being present, and for choosing compassion over control.

And if you are the person experiencing abuse—please know this:

You are not alone.

You deserve safety, dignity, and a life free from harm.

Resources for Domestic Violence Support in Guilford County and North Carolina

Whether you are someone experiencing abuse or supporting a loved one, knowing where to turn can be life-saving. Below is a curated list of trusted resources offering support, safety, legal help, and advocacy in Guilford County, NC, and across North Carolina.

Local Resources – Guilford County, NC

1. Guilford County Family Justice Center (FJC)

A collaborative, trauma-informed center offering help with safety planning, legal assistance, shelter placement, and medical care—all in one location.

Emergency: 336-641-SAFE (7233)

Walk-ins welcome: Mon–Fri, 8:30 a.m.–4:30 p.m. Learn more

2. Clara House – Family Service of the Piedmont

Provides emergency shelter, counseling, advocacy, and legal support for survivors. 24/7 Crisis Line: 336-273-7273 More info

3. Greensboro Police Department – Family Victims' Unit

A specialized team that assists in cases of domestic violence and provides direct support to survivors navigating law enforcement processes.🔗 Visit site

Statewide Resources – North Carolina

1. National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7)

📞 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) | TTY: 1-800-787-3224 💬 Chat support available

More info

4. NC Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCCADV)

Offers a statewide directory of DV programs and advocacy groups.

Learn more

5. Legal Aid of NC – Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault Project

Free legal services, including protective orders and immigration support.

📞 Main Helpline: 1-866-219-LANC (5262) 📞 Immigrant Support Line: 1-866-204-7612

More info

Asli Schoone is a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor Associate at Three Birds Counseling, offering trauma-informed, evidenced based therapy via telehealth to individuals across North Carolina. Her background in law enforcement, violence response, and victim advocacy, along with extensive training in the psycho-neurobiology of trauma has given her an integrated and compassionate understanding of how to support survivors of abuse and trauma. Asli believes all victim/survivors deserve time and space to be heard, the ability to heal at a pace that is right for them, and access to reliable supports that can provide the container for deep healing to occur.